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SWEET SWEET SUGAR - I am still healing

SWEET SWEET SUGAR - I am still healing

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SWEET SWEET SUGAR - I am still healing…

 

By Jambo

 

This has been an interesting year. I remember waking up early January and I heard this booming inner voice saying 'this is THE year'.

 

The year for what though?  Turns out even more connection and congruence with my journey with SUGAR!

 

It started with Manos leading the team through his whole food #28days later program. In a previous blog I share about the successes of that experience where recognising what sugar does to my body, moods and attitude.  http://www.jamboyoga.com/news/story/name/28-days-later-jambo-yoga-team-testimonials

 

This blog is about addiction, re-lapse and the mental attitudes around it.

 

We are all masters of disguises. We as a generation of people have learned how to cunningly come across confident, knowledgeable but best of all we manage to come across as OK regardless of what else might be going on.

 

For the last few weeks, I have been enjoying being in fitted clothes, lighter in my practise and more positive within my moods. Then I see the dreaded 'fuck-it' button.

 

I started to re-connect to my roots and ended up socialising with East-Asian friends. One of the things we love from that part of the world, especially in warm weather is bubble tea. Bubble tea is made from various flavours. Black tea, herbal tea is served warm or chilled with a fruit, aloe Vera, grass jelly, tapioca or bubbles. These bubbles are essentially small marble shapes jellies. My favourite flavour is actually Taro tea (with coconut milk if possible) with aloe and grass jelly toppings. After only 2 weeks of having a bubble tea twice a week my body started to bloat....

 

When I bloat, about 60% of my mental energy goes on how I look, come across and feel all at the same time. It is so distracting that I often find myself asking 'how come I didn't notice the beauty of the sky until now?'- the thought is even more saddening when I realise this thought comes up at the end of the day!

 

When these days occur there is one definite craving- my connection to spirit!!

 

During those moments of deciding and ordering the tea I allow my self talk to convince me that 'I deserve it' or 'this is a treat' sometimes even 'I look good enough to have this'.

 

Then as I go through the act I probably enjoy the first few mouthfuls and then I can be assured that by the time I get to the bottom of the cup I haven't been able to taste anything for some time. Much like my previous relationship with drugs, alcohol and sex.

 

Is this a re-lapse? In the world of addictions and recovery, yes it is! What does it mean? I am still healing...

 

Healing and recovering from addictions works in spirals.

 

Each time we go through a cycle we may not be completely freed from our addictive attitude but we get a another layer cleaner. The upwards spiral of cleaning a layer at a time may be with me for the rest of my life, you know what? I don't mind!

 

I have decided that as I get cleaner (and leaner as a result of having a better relationship with sugar) there is more clarity on my journey, more light on my path.

 

I cannot blame sugar (or any other behavior or substance). There is nothing good or bad in this world, only our relationship with it.

 

Relationships don't die, they grow.

 

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